Ever lay awake at night thinking about that one fantasy?
Maybe it’s being tied up, exploring power dynamics, or just letting go of control for once. You’re not weird. You’re human—and you’re not alone.
But let’s be real: actually *talking* about kink with your partner? Whew. That can feel hard.
In the sex therapy work I provide, a lot of my clients tell me:
“Tiffany, I want to explore this, but how do I even bring it up without sounding weird or feeling rejected?”
If that’s you, I see you. These conversations can feel big—but they don’t have to be heavy.
It’s important to learn how to talk to your partner about kink, as this open communication allows you to share your desires and boundaries effectively.
Why Is It So Hard to Talk About Kink?
Let’s name what’s real. You might be thinking:
– What if they think I’m weird?
– What if they say no—or worse, laugh?
– What if I don’t even know exactly what I want?
Talking about kink isn’t a confession. It’s a conversation. It’s about curiosity, trust, and making space for the real, tender, and sometimes playful parts of who you are.
5 Steps to Talk to Your Partner About Kink
1️⃣ Get Clear on What You Want
Before you talk to your partner, take a quiet moment for yourself. Ask: What turns me on? What am I curious about—bondage? Dominance? Sensory play?
Write it down, voice-note it, or jot it in the shower. You don’t need a kink resume, but a little clarity goes a long way.
*Want help getting clear? [Download this free guided kink journal here.]*
2️⃣ Pick the Right Time
Please, not in the carpool lane or mid-Target run.
Try something like:
“Hey, I’ve been thinking about something intimate I’d love to talk about—can we find a quiet time soon?”
It sets the tone without surprise-pressure.
3️⃣ Lead With Honesty, Not Perfection
It’s okay to be nervous. Vulnerability is brave.
Say something like:
“This feels a little tender to bring up, but I’ve been curious about kink and would love to explore it with you—if you’re open.”
Being real creates connection. You don’t need to sell it—just share it.
4️⃣ Share Without Pressure
Start small. No need to roll out the whole fantasy at once.
You might say:
“I’ve been thinking about trying light bondage. I think it could be playful and help us feel even more connected. How does that land for you?”
You’re extending an invitation, not issuing a demand.
5️⃣ Go Slow, Check In, and Keep It Light
If they’re open to it—great. Talk about:
– Boundaries
– Safewords
– Aftercare
And keep checking in. Play is only fun when everyone’s fully present.
This is a journey—not a performance.
What If They Say No?
Not everyone is into everything—and that’s okay. If they’re not on board:
– Take a breath.
– Reflect: Is this a passing curiosity or something essential to your sexuality?
– Consider whether it’s something you can explore alone or if you’d benefit from talking it out in therapy.
This is your journey, and you get to decide what matters most.
Your Desires Are Valid
Kink isn’t about being “too much” or “not enough.”
It’s about curiosity, connection, and consent.
If you’re ready to talk about what lights you up—in your relationships, in your body, and in your life—I’m here to help.
Want Support Navigating This?
I provide sex therapy (online across Georgia) for individuals exploring kink, BDSM, non-monogamy, and the deep work of healing sexual shame and reclaiming desire.
You deserve a space where your desires are honored and your voice is heard. Let’s take the next step together.